Persevere in it Forever

Good grief...I've been away from blogging for so long that google has even changed some of the format. I see that I can now blog from my phone. I'm not that good on the touch screen yet but that's good to know! I haven't written for about 2 weeks and I hope that's not the kiss of death in the blogosphere. The good news is (at least for me) I HAVE run since then. I used the treadmill in the hotel in Iron Mountain, Michigan (where the "yoopers" live) on Monday. It was windy, rainy and about 37 degrees there while it was 88 and sunny in the Baltimore area. Tough to take!

So, I just finished a pathetic run through the neighborhood (back in Maryland now). Really good first mile and a quarter but could not do much on the way back. I don't know why. Just couldn't. Or maybe just didn't feel like it.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about our visit to Iron Mountain. My sister-in-law (that's my husband's sister, not my brother's wife) took her final vows as the "Rite of Religious Profession for the Discalced Carmelite Nuns." It really was a beautiful ceremony even if I did have trouble following much of it. I really liked how "sensory" it was...the scent of the incense and the clanging of the incense container as it was waived back and forth was good. I liked the Bishop's homily. He referenced the sin that got us in to all of this economic mess in the US....greed. I sat and thought about all of the levels that was appropriate for...and I agreed.

Couple of things tripped me up though...

My sister-in-law (and the other cloistered sisters) were in a different room than our sanctuary. Their room was off to the side with a common wall that was a huge grate. There was a small window (picture a McDonald's drive through) where the Bishop could speak to her and she could respond. The picture above shows what I'm describing. I have a problem with the "separateness" that it all symbolized. But I'll get over that.

There was communion and I didn't feel welcome to participate. I listened carefully to hear any words of "all are welcome" or "only some are welcome" and heard no direct reference but I still knew that in a very strict Catholic church, it wouldn't be the right thing for a Protestant to participate. So I did it "in my mind" and I know God understood.

But those weren't even the biggest rocks that tripped me up. And let me say this now. I GREATLY ADMIRE ANNIE FOR HER SERIOUS AND FOCUSED DISCERNMENT THAT GOT HER TO THIS PLACE. It's been a long journey and she is so at peace with this decision that I am at peace with her decision. And that's probably what makes it so difficult for me to understand what I've been wrestling with since her profession. Or rather...since the middle of her profession. She answered a series of questions and I was jolted by the second:

"Are you resolved, with the help of God, to undertake that life of perfect chastity, obedience and poverty chosen for themselves by Christ our Lord and His Virgin Mother, and to persevere in it forever?"

And she answered, "I am."

And I have no doubt that she is resolved and will live that life...forever. But I couldn't stop thinking about the priests who have also taken that vow of a "life of perfect chastity" and have not "persevered in it forever" and have, instead, abused young boys. People are fallen, people are sinful, people do horrible things and I "get" that it's part of our nature and it will happen. What I don't "get" is how a church can turn a blind eye and protect those who have broken this vow in a way that destroys so many other lives. Pretend that it doesn't "really" happen. And it felt like that situation watered down the vow that Annie had just taken. It really bothered me for her. I felt like asking the Bishop about it but we sat at a different table for lunch.